i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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