I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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