We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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