i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
