he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
