My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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