today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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