fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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