I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
