Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
