Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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