This is not my ceiling
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
