I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
