so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
