Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
