Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
