I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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