Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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