There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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