He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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