i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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