i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
