You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
