Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My balls are so social today.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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