I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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