finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
