Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
