someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
