I hate all girls vehemently.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
