Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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