So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
