Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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