i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
