Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
