He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
barbara walters just said penis...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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