im six kinds of drunk right now
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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