Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
P.S. I can't hear my feet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
