I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize