It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
