What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
