So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
where am i from again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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