he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
