So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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