it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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