We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
