the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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