I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
