When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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