I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
