it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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