I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
