I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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