Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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