I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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