So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
