I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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