guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
