Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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