Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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