Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
