I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
