He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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