Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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