"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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