i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
