Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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