I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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