Tell her she can't have a vagina
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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