After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
