I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
