she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
