Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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