i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
