Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
