Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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