mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.