he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You are the jesus of drinking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died