...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.