If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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