ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty