I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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