Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
