im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
